Things I'm Sick Of

1. Listening to my inner monologue.
2. Skinny women who wear spandex at the gym.
3. Skinny guys who eat horrendous crap and stay skinny.
4. Being lonely.
5. Being lonely in a roomful of people.
6. Living in my own skin.
7. People who can't hold clicky pens without clicking them all the time.
8. Making excuses for myself, instead of actually having the courage and energy to change things inside me and around me.
9. Being useless to the outside world; having no real “skills.”
10. Being so far away from my friends.
11. "Analysts" on news shows. I wish they would get real jobs, and stop criticizing other people for the way they do theirs.
12. Stretch marks – old ones and new ones, which seem to popping up every day, despite the fact that I’m trying to lose weight, and therefore, have my skin not be pulled so tight over my insides that it actually stretches.
13. Doing homework (I’ve been doing it since I was six years old. I’m 28.)
14. Processed "food" (and I use the term loosely). Do yourself a favor and read The Omnivore’s Dilemma, by Michael Pollan.
15. Overmedicated children and adults. If your kid can’t sit still, he might not have ADD/ADHD. Maybe you should get him/her off sugar, for crissake.
16. A society that wants quick fixes from the medical establishment. "I don’t want to change my diet, so give me some pills." "I don’t want to start exercising, so give me medication instead." "I’m sad, so instead of me making changes in my life to have a happier, more fulfilling existence and get rid of the things that are causing me to be sad, just give me some “uppers” that will make me happy in the short term, but in the long run, do nothing to actually solve the problem." (Caveat…I know clinical depression is a real thing, and that in some cases, medication is a true godsend.)
17. Suffocating under the unbearably heavy burden of the same fears and insecurities that have been crushing me since I was twelve years old.
18. Feeling like a fatass, even while I’m running at the gym to remedy this exact problem.
19. Feeling the saddlebags on my hips jiggle while I run.
20. Old men lapping me on the track, especially on days when I feel like I’m doing really well, and running at a good pace.
21. Days when I have no choice but to get out of bed, get dressed, go to work, and be part of the world, when I want nothing more than to stay in bed all day, with the covers over my head, pretending like this isn’t actually my life. After all, if I don't see anybody, they don't see me.
22. Crying at the same damn things that made me cry when I was a teenager.
23. Sitting down, and noticing how my hips and thighs span the entire width of the chair.
24. Feeling trapped in my own body.
25. Being unable to escape from myself. Life is rough when the person you hate most in the world is yourself. Where can you go to get away from her?
26. Looking at myself and hating every single thing I see.
27. People who are naturally thin.
28. Being scared that it’s always going to be like this.

(Sorry...I'm having a bad day. [Can you tell? ;-)] Nothing a cigarette and a large glass of wine won't fix. Well, that, and a generous serving of ipecac syrup. [Just kidding. I wish I wasn't, but I am, so don't freak out. I'm just too level=headed for my own good when it comes to things like that.])